MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
AMBROSE BIERCEAll are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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