Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCERUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Forgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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