RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
AMBROSE BIERCEQuotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
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Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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