Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCEFear has no brains; it is an idiot.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
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Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
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REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
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History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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To the eye of failure success is an accident.
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LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
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