MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
AMBROSE BIERCEBelladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
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REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.
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ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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