A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
AMBROSE BIERCEMarriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
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Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
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RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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