Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
AMBROSE BIERCEDebt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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To the eye of failure success is an accident.
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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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Forgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
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Perseverance – a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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