In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
AMBROSE BIERCEThere is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
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REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
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Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
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ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
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Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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