“Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.”

Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.

Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.

Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.

Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.

MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.

Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.

Politics is the art of acquiring, holding, and wielding power.

All creative people want to do the unexpected.

Everything must justify its existence before the judgment seat of Reason, or give up existence.

The Kafka paradox: art depends on truth, but truth, being indivisable, cannot know itself: to tell the truth is to lie. Thus the writer is the truth, and yet when he speaks he lies.

Man is summed up in Art. All the rest is moonshine.

There’s no art where there’s no fee.

Politics is not an end, but a means. It is not a product, but a process. It is the art of government.

The best time I ever had with Joan Crawford was when I pushed her down the stairs in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?