ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
AMBROSE BIERCEThe most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
-
-
Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
AMBROSE BIERCE