War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
AMBROSE BIERCEPolitics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Forgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
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History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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