Adam Carolla Quotes

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bigger Commercial Funny Humor Maxi Nice Pad Visual
California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
ADAM CAROLLA

Country Fall Forty-Five Look School
I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
ADAM CAROLLA

Fake Funny Humor None Orgasm Two Type Women
The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
ADAM CAROLLA

Add Cab Car Knowing Shuttle Town Travel
There are certain things women are better at than men.
ADAM CAROLLA

Better Certain Expert Man Thing Unique Women
Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aware Get Getting Laid Over Thing
People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
ADAM CAROLLA

College Look People Smart White
I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
ADAM CAROLLA

Form Format Freedom Mess Podcasting
I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
ADAM CAROLLA

Best Each Friend Man Men Other Sex Spouse Thinking Tolerate Wife
All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
ADAM CAROLLA

Army Decent Government Manageable Rate Regulation Standing Tax
If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
ADAM CAROLLA

Beer Bottle Butterfly Chased Idea Sell Water
When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
ADAM CAROLLA

Asian Colege Fudge Funny Growing Up Humor People Thirteen
Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
ADAM CAROLLA

Head Hungarian Paprikash Reader Some Toss World
I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
ADAM CAROLLA

Audience Monetization Really Secondary Thinking
Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
ADAM CAROLLA

Attracted Chick Doing Happen Love Dude Money Successful
And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
ADAM CAROLLA

Asian Common Country Goal Guttenberg Hispanic Together
I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
ADAM CAROLLA

Guy Need Personality Pople Represent Want
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Daughter Dude Fire Funny Mother Reason
That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
ADAM CAROLLA

Forever Funny Humor Interesting Philosophical Question
If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
ADAM CAROLLA

Conservative Hollywood Need People Place
Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
ADAM CAROLLA

Better Emotional Guy Mechanical Stuff Women
I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
ADAM CAROLLA

Car Guy Hammer Nut Sort Swinging Turning Wrenching
I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
ADAM CAROLLA

Burn Calories Happen Masculine Trying World
You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
ADAM CAROLLA

Accomplishment Feel Good Should Yelled Yourself
That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
ADAM CAROLLA

Dream Force Like Love Pursue Quit Sport Writing
I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bought Count Counting Lazy Normally Vote
Welfare is monetary methadone.
ADAM CAROLLA

Heo Methadone Monetary Organisation Welfare

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