Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
PHYLLIS DILLERWhatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
-
-
I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
PHYLLIS DILLER -
When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
PHYLLIS DILLER