Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
NORM MACDONALDThe most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
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A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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I don’t really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
NORM MACDONALD