Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
NORM MACDONALDImprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
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It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
NORM MACDONALD