Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
NORM MACDONALDThere are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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I don’t have any ambition.
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Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
NORM MACDONALD -
The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
NORM MACDONALD