I don’t have any ambition.
NORM MACDONALDEver see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
NORM MACDONALD