“As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.”

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.

There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.

Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.

The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.

The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.

We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.

Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.

All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.

The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.

I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.

During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.

The flesh feeds on the Body and Blood of Christ that the soul may be fattened on God.

Bottom line, your body is a temple, and you have to treat it that way. That’s how God designed it.

All the forces that are working in this body have been produced out of food; we see that every day.

We are all creatures of habit. We can do most things without even thinking about them; our bodies take charge and do them for us.

I am a typed director. If I made Cinderella, the audience would immediately be looking for a body in the coach.

I’m a firm believer in research, but I’m also a firm believer in utilizing the instincts that are within your soul or in your body or in your stomach, wherever they reside.

My foot, for a football player, is very beautiful!

Every day, we’ve got to do something physical. It’s mind, body and spirit.