They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
NORM MACDONALDNote to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
NORM MACDONALD