All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
NORM MACDONALDThe first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
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Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
NORM MACDONALD