In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
NORM MACDONALDThough we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
NORM MACDONALD