It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
NORM MACDONALDThe beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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