“Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.”

Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.

The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.

The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.

We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.

Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.

All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.

The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.

I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.

During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.

It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.

I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.

I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.

Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.

Everyone is different: different shapes, sizes, colors, beliefs, personalities, and you have to celebrate those differences.

You can blame my mom for some of my worst fashion moments. She used to dress me and my sister in a lot of patterns. Like, she would put me in striped stockings with a floral dress. Like, why are you doing that to me?

I feel like my figure is a challenge because I’m quite flat chested but I’ve got a booty so I’ve got to look for the right things.

Your beauty is binding and I just want to consume every part of you.

I’m not barbie, and i’m alright with that.

You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make.

For me, I like to be a little bit tomboy but still look like a lady. Pretty tough. Or really, really, really pretty.

I would never pose topless.