They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
NORM MACDONALDLiberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
NORM MACDONALD