What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
MARK TWAINWorrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.
More Mark Twain Quotes
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Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
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Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
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In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
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When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
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Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
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I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
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There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man’s notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
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The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.
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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
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The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
MARK TWAIN