In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.
MARK TWAINEat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
More Mark Twain Quotes
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History doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme.
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Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
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I haven’t any right to criticize books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them.
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If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it.
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Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
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A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.
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My books are water; those of the great geniuses is wine. Everybody drinks water.
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The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.
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Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
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The most interesting information come from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.
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Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
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Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
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There’s one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him; if he says yes, you know he’s crooked.
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In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them.
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The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
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There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man’s notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
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There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.
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The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.
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Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.
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It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt.
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Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.
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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
MARK TWAIN