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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.

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Best Friend Friendship Funny Goodness Jail Try

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX

Poverty State Work
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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Human Nature Humour Important One Liner Speak
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Almony Dead Divorce Funny Horse Pay
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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Crazy Decent Life Meal Place Reality
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Children Love Mother
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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Bless Crack Light One Liner
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX

Humour Meet Night Own Theater
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX

Children Fetch Funny Understand
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX

Channel Cry Laugh Selfish Watch World
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Down Human Nature Myself Pick
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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Attitude Confidence
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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Best Friend Deep Failure One Liner Unhappy
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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Funny Hero Heroine Tits
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Finding Happiness Hard Time Healing Laugh
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX

Lucky Person Pool Swimming Underwater
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Life Principles Rules

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