Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARXShe’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX -
Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
GROUCHO MARX -
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX -
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time wounds all heels.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX