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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.

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Arrive Dead Future Happiness Inspirational Life Past Present

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Education Reading Television
Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX

Poverty State Work
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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Doubt Interfere Marriage People Romance Sex Wife
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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Bless Crack Light One Liner
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX

Children Love Mother
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX

Bore Hole Insult Run
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX

Fly Love Money Reality Truth
I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX

Beat Confidence Goodness Head Mind Revenge War
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX

Almony Dead Divorce Funny Horse Pay
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX

Die Halfway Heaven One Liner West
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Comfortable Dog Goodness Peace Woman
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX

Deviation Dirty Honor Liar Thief Writing Yourself
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX

Age Birthday Interesting Subject
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Missing One Liner Women
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Insult One Liner Remind Talk Time
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX

Lucky Person Pool Swimming Underwater

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