Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARXYesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX -
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX -
While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX -
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX