I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARXA year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX -
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX -
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX