When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARXI find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time wounds all heels.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX -
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX