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I intend to live forever, or die trying.

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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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I only write first editions.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
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