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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

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Bad Day Evening Wonderful

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Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX

Angry Funny One Liner Towel
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX

Equality Freedom Prejudices
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX

Dreamss Hairs Nurse Red Romance
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX

Insult One Liner Respect
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Love Man Myself
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX

Die Forever Inspirational One Liner Positive Try
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX

Cause Chief Divorce Marriage One Liner
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX

Attitude Down Human Nature Myself Pick
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX

Doubt Interfere Marriage People Romance Sex Wife
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARX

Cigar Love Mouth Relationship
Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX

Poverty State Work
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Humour Laughter Moments Read
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX

Lucky Person Pool Swimming Underwater
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX

Humour Meet Night Own Theater
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX

Funny Humour Mind Smoking
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Comfortable Dog Goodness Peace Woman

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