Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARXTime flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX