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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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Arrive Dead Future Happiness Inspirational Life Past Present
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Enough Learning Mistake Yourself
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Lucky Person Pool Swimming Underwater
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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Hear Memories Past Stop Story

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