Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARXIf you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX