I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARXIf you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX -
Go, and never darken my towels again.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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Time wounds all heels.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
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I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX