If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARXIf you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARXLove flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARXA year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARXOnly one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARXI never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARXNext time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARXShe got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARXMilitary justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARXI don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARXThe only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARXLearn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARXDon’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARXIf you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARXGo, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARXWhy, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARXThe secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX