Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARXTime wounds all heels.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX






