If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARXNo one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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All geniuses die young.
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX