Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARXBefore I speak, I have something important to say.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time wounds all heels.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX -
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX -
Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX -
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX






