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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Freedom Money Thinking
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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Bless Crack Light One Liner
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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Bad Day Evening Wonderful
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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Applesauce Cranberry Taste
Humour is reason gone mad.
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Humour Madness One Liner Reason
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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Arrive Dead Future Happiness Inspirational Life Past Present
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Admit Age Born Early Life
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
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Dreamss Hairs Nurse Red Romance
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Humour Judge Jury Marriage One Liner
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Children Fetch Funny Understand
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Almony Dead Divorce Funny Horse Pay
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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Event Eyes Happiness Inspirational Morning Myself Power Present Unhappiness
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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Attitude Confidence
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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Against Attitude
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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Exitement Fun Life One Liner Travel Wrong
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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Cigar Love Mouth Relationship

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