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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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