I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARXNext time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX -
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX -
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX -
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX -
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX -
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX






