One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARXNext time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARX