The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARXA man is only as old as the woman he feels.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX -
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX -
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX






