Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARXThe only real laughter comes from despair.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARX -
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX -
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX -
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX -
Any place I hang my head is home.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
Humour is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX