When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARXThe only real laughter comes from despair.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX -
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX -
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX -
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARX -
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX