Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARXAnyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Time wounds all heels.
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Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARX