Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARXBlessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX -
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX -
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX -
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX -
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX -
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX -
I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
GROUCHO MARX






