Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARXIn studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX






