Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARXIn studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX