I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARXWho says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX -
A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX -
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARX -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX