If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARXWell, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX -
I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
GROUCHO MARX -
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX