Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARXIf you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX