My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARXIf you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Any place I hang my head is home.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX -
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Time wounds all heels.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX