Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARXA hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
Humour is reason gone mad.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX