Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARXA hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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All geniuses die young.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX






