Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARXEither this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARX -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX -
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX -
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX