Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARXEither this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Any place I hang my head is home.
GROUCHO MARX -
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX






