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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

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I only write first editions.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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