Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARXRoom service? Send up a larger room.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX






