Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARXRoom service? Send up a larger room.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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I only write first editions.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX