The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARXRoom service? Send up a larger room.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX