I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARXRoom service? Send up a larger room.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I only write first editions.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX