My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARXRoom service? Send up a larger room.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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All geniuses die young.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX






