The older you get, the better you realize you were.
GEORGE CARLINEveryone smiles in the same language.
More George Carlin Quotes
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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Religion is just mind control.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
GEORGE CARLIN