A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
GEORGE CARLINEveryone smiles in the same language.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN