The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLINThe reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLINIf a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
GEORGE CARLINThe most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
GEORGE CARLINRegarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLINThe main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
GEORGE CARLINIf a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
GEORGE CARLINWhen you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
GEORGE CARLINWell, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
GEORGE CARLINThere are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
GEORGE CARLINI think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
GEORGE CARLINMost people with low self-esteem have earned it.
GEORGE CARLINMost people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLINA good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
GEORGE CARLINEveryone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
GEORGE CARLINFighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLINAlthough the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
GEORGE CARLIN